Mee Maw's Place

Resting Place

2010-03-04T19:45:00.000-06:00

Mee Maw would now be 102 years old. We still miss her terribly.

Here is a photo of the grave marker in Roselawn Cemetary in Decatur, Alabama. Her grave is on the right. Her beloved husband Arthur is on the left.

Rest here in peace, Mee Maw. We will see you again someday in Heaven.

We still love you!

100 Years

2008-03-04T10:51:00.002-06:00

Today Mee Maw would have celebrated her 100th birthday. We always encouraged her to press towards that goal, and we all wanted to be able to mark this milestone with her.

Alas, it was not to be.

She is gone, and I, for my part, miss her terribly. The bright spot is knowing that someday we will be reunited with her in the presence of our Savior, Jesus Christ, as we share the joys of heaven with her, Paw Paw, and other loved ones who are already there. May that day come soon!

Happy 100th, Mee Maw!

A Long Year

2007-07-18T17:43:00.000-05:00

It has been a year now since Mee Maw left us. She is gone, but the lonely ache remains.

The family is still sorting through her belongings. That which we recognize as our gifts to her have been reclaimed. Other items with attached memories have been allocated. Still, much remains to be divided, distributed, or donated to charity.

I cannot speak for the rest of the family, but I still miss her terribly. Seeing things in my house that were once prominent in hers prolongs the feeling of loss.

But we will meet again someday. That's a promise!

It's Over - For Now

2006-07-24T21:15:00.000-05:00

I guess this will be the last post to this blog - and this last post will be a long one, recounting the days up until her burial.

I intend to leave the blog up as long as Blogger.com will allow it to stand as a tribute to the most remarkable, finest woman that ever lived. And, no, I'm not biased at all when I write that.

On Wednesday after Mee Maw died, the four sons and their wives met together to arrange the funeral and plan the order of service. They involved a number of us grandchildren and some of the great-grandchildren. The eight grandsons were asked to be pallbearers, just as they were at our grandfather's funeral in 1988. I was asked to get with the other seven guys and sing the hymn "Near To The Heart Of God" during the service, another repeat from the funeral of our Paw Paw.

I looked in the hymnal and quickly realized that the hymn, as written there, was not well-suited to a chorus of male voices. So I determined that I would try to write a quick arrangement of the song for us to sing. I have a piano keyboard hooked to my computer and a copy of music notation software, so I was set.

After church on Wednesday night I played with the keyboard and developed a few ideas. Thursday evening I planned to start the notation process, but I had to drive to Birmingham to pick up our oldest son, who was being dropped off there by a friend. Friday evening gave me a good opportunity, and I planned to finish on Saturday morning.

Saturday morning brought thunderstorms. I am not going to turn on a computer while lightning is striking nearby and the electrical power is flickering. But by 11:30 the skies were clearing, and I hurriedly finished my work before going to my parents for a meal that our church, Cornerstone Baptist, had supplied.

The visitation at the funeral home was to be from 6:00 to 8:00 on Saturday evening. The family was to arrive by 5:30. I got there at about 5:20, and only my uncle James and aunt Roni were there. I had not seen Mee Maw in her casket, and the sight caused the first rush of tears of the evening. She was dressed in the blue dress that she is wearing for the photo at the top of the blog. The original dress that she had asked to wear would not look right because of the condition of her arms and skin.

The flowers were gorgeous. Almost all of the arrangements had soft pastel colors. There were a lot of roses, both red and yellow. There were mums, hydrangeas, snapdragons, lilies, orchids, and a bunch more that I did not recognize and probably could not spell properly if I did. There were also several pots of green plants, which were distributed among family members later.

At 5:30, people were already starting to line up outside and make their way into the chapel at the funeral home. There were people that I have not seen in many years, at least since the last tragedy or funeral. We renewed acquaintances and caught up on family matters, but the subject always returned to the reason that we were there. And to a person everyone commented on what a godly inspiration my grandmother was to them and their families for so long.

Things began to taper off after 7:30, so I assembled the other grandsons and we went into the director's office to practice. I think we sang through the arrangement about six times and felt comfortable enough to say that it would work. A couple of people heard it and declared that it sounded great.

Then came the dreaded day: Sunday, July 23rd. My brother-in-law could not preach in his own church in Mississippi, so he agreed to teach my Sunday School class for me. Good thing, too, for all the time I would have used for study had been taken with the music. He also agreed to preach the morning sermon. He mentioned that he had prepared earlier in the week, thinking that the service would be on Saturday, which is his study day. God worked out the schedule so I got to do my music and he got to preach his sermons!

Our service went OK until the offertory. My youngest sister's daughter Kate played the piano, and my other sister's daughter Hannah played the violin. The song they played was "What A Friend We Have In Jesus", which was one of Mee Maw's favorite hymns. Near the end Hannah hit a sour note. I would be lying if I said that I could not see Mee Maw close her eyes and wince as she did every time that a major musical mistake happened. When I mentioned after they finished that it was a favorite song of Mee Maw's, I broke down momentarily. After I read the morning Scripture passage, I led the final congregational song, "Children Of The Heavenly Father". The first line reads, "Children of the Heavenly Father Safely in His bosom gather", and I was unable to sing properly after that line. My wife had to leave the room in tears, for that is one of her favorites also.

After a quick sandwich lunch provided by Faith Baptist Church, we went to the funeral home. I was then instructed that I was also to lead the congregation in singing two verses of "It Is Well With My Soul". The reason, which I was supposed to say intelligibly somehow, was that Mee Maw remembered that song being sung at her mother's funeral when she was only 6 years old (92 years earlier!) and she had always firmly said that it was to be sung at her funeral as well.

The service began with Scott Matthews (Joel's son, Ralph's grandson), Jonathan Grant (the late Judith's son, another of Ralph's grandsons) and Hannah Sculley (Lynette's daughter, Ernest's granddaughter) playing a violin trio of "Sweet Hour Of Prayer". Then Paul Stowe, who is our pastor and school administrator at Cornerstone, where Mee Maw attended, read her obituary and, in his own humorous way, paid tribute. He was the first speaker, and he was the first to choke up.

Daniel, James' son and the youngest of the grandchildren, then got up to read Scripture passages that were dear to Mee Maw. He had a few wonderful comments, and he also had difficulty at times speaking without tears. It was all the more special knowing that he and his wife Solita had just announced that the next great-grandchild was on the way, due in February of 2007. This one will never know his or her great-grandmother. Nor will any others that follow.

Next came the "Pallbearer Chorus", as we jokingly called ourselves. We filed into position and I gave the starting note with a pitch pipe. I honestly do not think that we missed a note. From my position singing at the end of the line it sounded great. Those listening in the audience told me later that it was extremely well-done. I assume they mean the performance, not the arranging. I thank God that he allowed me to do that as a tribute to Mee Maw.

My brother-in-law Donald, Lynette's husband, preached the message. In his down-home south Georgia way he opened the Bible and used Mee Maw's example to remind us of why we were there and why we "sorrow not even as others which have no hope" (1 Thess. 4:13). He, too, had his difficult moments.

My cousin Tim then got up and told Mee Maw's testimony of how she came to trust in Jesus Christ after trusting in baptism and church membership since she had been 12 years old. Tim then gave an invitation to those attending that if they did not know Christ as Mee Maw did, it would be a good time to come to Him. His voice broke momentarily, too.

I arose at that point and led the congregational song. I was OK until the last few words of my introduction, when I, too, succumbed to the emotion. The assembled people sang beautifully.

Tim then closed the service in prayer. We stood and waited for a while, and finally the funeral director and the attendants came in. He had been trying to start a CD that Joel had recorded with a couple of organ arrangements that Mee Maw loved, but the disk would not play properly. We had not thought ahead enough to check it out before the service.

The pallbearers lined up and transferred the casket to the hearse. We then loaded all of the flowers into a van, which sped off ahead to the cemetery. We waited almost 20 minutes for our police escort, which was late because of another funeral across town. Once they arrived, we drove to Roselawn Cemetery. My brother Philip and I drove the pallbearers in our own vehicles, preceding the hearse.

When we arrived, we removed the casket from the hearse. We had a momentary glitch when we had the casket in hand and were told to turn around. We were expecting to go to the grave with her head first, but the way that the plot was oriented she needed to go feet-first at this point. So we all had to change hands and move slowly to the grave and place the casket on the rails.

Tim did the graveside service. It was there that he broke down. There were few dry eyes among the family at that point. Tim had me pull out the pitch pipe and give a note, and all present sang all four well-known verses of "Amazing Grace". I found it extremely hard to sing at all, as did several around me. The sound was still beautiful.

The service closed, and everyone slowly left. My family and brother and sisters walked over to the grave site of my mother's parents and paid respects there. When we returned, we all picked flowers from the blanket on the casket and from the arrangements that were lying on the ground, wilting in the hot summer sun. My family was the last to leave. We watched as the vault was closed and then lowered into the ground next to the remains of her husband, Arthur Matthews. Several tossed flowers into the hole, turned, and left. I stood for a last look, and I very carefully deposited a single yellow rose on the top center of the vault. Wiping tears from beneath my sunglasses, I turned and walked back to my vehicle and left.

Boy, does it hurt. There is an emptiness inside that can never be filled. I can scarcely imaging what my father and his brothers must be feeling right now. She was mine for 48 years. She was theirs for 70. Now she is gone.

But as my cousin reminded us all, it was not a "goodbye". It is only a "good night". Someday, in the presence of God and the Lord Jesus Christ whom she loved so much, I will see her mischievous grin again. I will see the twinkle in her eye, so noticable in the photo on this page. I will hear her chuckle at a pun (will there be any bad puns in heaven?). I will feel her scratch my back again with her strong fingers. I will hear her say, "I've loved you for a long time, and I still love you now" as she would frequently say. Most of all, I will be able to fall at the feet of a loving God and thank him for giving me such a wonderful grandmother, a legacy of godliness and virtue, and I will praise Him for infinite wisdom and goodness in allowing so many to be affected by her life.

Good night, Mee Maw. We will see you in the "morning", either when we die and join you, or when Jesus Christ comes back and brings you with Him.

Good night.

I love you.

Obituary

2006-07-23T18:22:00.000-05:00

Here's a link to the obituary in the Decatur Daily.

Funeral Arrangements

2006-07-19T15:43:00.000-05:00

Arrangements for Mee Maw have been made with Shelton's Funeral Home in Decatur.

The family will be accepting visitors at the funeral home on Saturday evening, July 22, from 6:00 to 8:00.

The funeral is scheduled for Sunday, July 23, at 2:00 at Shelton's.

Interment will be beside her husband at Roselawn Cemetery in Decatur.

The family appreciates all of the expressions of prayer and concern.

Rest In Peace

2006-07-18T21:23:00.000-05:00

Nancy Mildred Compton Matthews

Born March 4, 1908.

Died Tuesday, July 18, 2006, at approximately 9:00PM.

She is home now. She will rest eternally in the presence of her Lord Jesus Christ.

May God show his mercy to all of us in the family now.

Thank you for your prayers.

No Difference

2006-07-16T16:56:00.000-05:00

There has not been any real change in Mee Maw's condition over the last couple of days. On Thursday evening, after Lori and I left, the four sons had a long discussion with the young doctor who is handling Mee Maw some of the time.

Side note:
For some reason Mee Maw's regular doctor is not allowed to work in the hospital. Therefore she has not had a physician with knowledge of her long-term care or her personal or medical history. While the young doctor and the others working there may be quite knowledgeable and competent, and I am NOT suggesting otherwise, they still do not know everything about Mee Maw.
End side note

The young doctor insists that Mee Maw is in extreme pain all over and that the best thing the family can do is to keep her unconscious until she expires. The doctor that appears occasionally from the local hospice disagrees, claiming that Mee Maw will indicate with bodily movement and facial expressions when she is uncomfortable or hurting. More on that in a moment.

The family got the doctor to reluctantly agree to allow the family to regulate the medications that Mee Maw receives. The main two medicines right now are morphine and Ativan (which is the medicine that keeps her sedated). They found out that Mee Maw had been receiving 4mg of morphine four times each day, whether there was indication that she needed it or not.

Since then, her morphine consumption has decreased dramatically. Early in the morning hours of Friday, Ann, who was spending the night with Mee Maw, reported that some attendants came in to turn Mee Maw so she would lie on her side. Mee Maw was not handled carefully, and it was obvious that she was hurting, so Ann called for morphine. The Ativan has been reduced considerably.

After my mother arrived for the morning shift, more attendants arrived and placed an air mattress on the bed under Mee Maw. Mom reported that they were much more gentle in how they moved the patient while they fixed her bed. Mee Maw appeared to be resting more comfortably afterwards.

My father sat with her this morning (Sunday). At one point she sounded like she was speaking, so he went over to her bed and asked her if she needed something. Among the usual sounds, Dad said that four times while he was listening Mee Maw very clearly said, "Arthur." That was her husband's name.

A bit later she indicated by agitated movement and expressions that she was hurting, so Dad allowed a 1mg dose of morphine. It had the desired effect, calming her and reducing her indications of pain.

My dad had a conversation earlier with a nurse (or doctor) from hospice about Mee Maw's pain. This person said that Mee Maw's pain is most likely local, not universal as the young doctor insists. She said that Mee Maw would indicate in her face especially if she was hurting and if the sounds she would make were sounds of pain. It was this that led Dad to request morphine later in the morning.

The only other unusual incident that Dad reported was that, a couple of times just before Alfred came to relieve him, Mee Maw clearly said, "Unh unh!" like she was disagreeing with someone. Who that was, or what it was about, no one knows. We have no idea what she is seeing, hearing, or experiencing right now.

The end cannot be too far off, because she has had no nourishment since last Monday. She has had some ice chips placed in her mouth, and my mother has cleaned out her mouth to try to make it more comfortable for her. The doctors say that there is nothing other than a feeding tube that could get nourishment to her, and Mee Maw forbade that many years ago. As a result, her body will use up what nutrients it has stored to maintain function and to try to initiate the healing process in the cracked pelvis. When the nutrients are gone, then she will effectively have starved to death. But that was her wish, and the family is determined to respect her wishes.

Continue to pray for all of the Matthews family, please. This is a stressful time for all of us. Those who live far away do not know how to plan ahead, since they cannot know when they will need to come to Decatur for a funeral. Those of us living here are doing our best to go through our daily routines, but anytime that the telephone rings it brings a moment of panic. It is hard on everyone. Pray for God's strength for all of us.

Thank you.

A Glimmer of Hope

2006-07-13T21:29:00.000-05:00

My wife Lori and I returned to Decatur from Illinois today, a drive of "only" 11-1/2 hours. Upon returning and speaking with my mother on the phone, we went up to the hospital.

When we arrived, all four of Mee Maw's sons were present. Alfred and his wife Mary had arrived. Ralph and Ann were there, as were Ernest and James. Also present were Mike Grant (the husband of the late Judith, one of us 13 grandchildren) with his wife and 3 of Mee Maw's great-grandchildren.

Apparently Mee Maw's kidneys are still functioning. So just after lunch, at Ralph's and Ernest's insistence, they restored the saline IV drip. Then Ralph had a long talk with the doctor about her medications. Last Monday they increased the dosage of the pain killer (perhaps the morphine, too; I am not totally clear about that detail), and since then Mee Maw has been mostly unresponsive. My mother told me that earlier in the day Ralph had loudly said, "Momma! Momma!" across the hospital room, and it provoked a response from Mee Maw. She moved slightly and either grunted or said, "Huh?". So Ralph discussed with the doctor the possibility of removing or reducing some of the pain medication to see if she would regain some ability to communicate.

When Lori and I arrived, I went to the edge of the bed, bent down, and said, "Hi, Mee Maw, it's Rick!" She grunted something. Lori got the same response. In conversation with Alfred, he said, and others confirmed, that earlier in the evening she had almost said something recognizable. There was, however, universal disagreement about what that was.

After a short visit, Lori and I left so that the great-grandchildren, who haven't seen Mee Maw as often, could have a few moments to work up the courage to speak to her. As we left, I again bent over her, kissed her head, and said, "Goodbye, Mee Maw. It's Rick. I love you." She definitely responded to that! Then Lori repeated it, and got an even greater response.

So the hope now is that perhaps reducing the pain medication can bring her to consciousness enough that we can all enjoy our last moments with her. Who knows? Perhaps the Lord will allow her to recover enough to go to a nursing home for a few days, weeks, or months. None of us know.

What we know for certain is that God is in control, and He will do what is best for Mee Maw and for all of us who are His children. We can trust Him in all things, including this.

Thank you for your continued prayers. Even with an encouraging day like today, it's still hard on everyone. While driving today, Lori and I would jump anytime one of our cell phones would ring. "Pins and needles" doesn't half describe it right now. And I'm sure that we're not the only ones as nerve-wracked as this.

Another note: Tim, Ralph's oldest son, is on his way to Greenville, SC. My sister Lynette will be traveling there this weekend for a music camp next week for two of their children. Alfred is here from North Carolina, but I don't know how long he can stay. Mike and his family are here from Tennessee. There are a lot of different schedules that can be forcibly "rescheduled" by changes in Mee Maw's condition. Please join our families in prayer that when the time comes, it will be the least disruptive for everyone involved.

A Matter of Time

2006-07-12T22:58:00.000-05:00

I spoke again with my father Ernest this evening. The news was not good about Mee Maw. Apparently her kidneys have now failed. Because there is no more output for liquids, the doctor removed the saline IV drip. Now, what fluids that are in her body will begin to fill the lungs and cause difficulty in breathing. She has already begun coughing a bit. Then, it is just a matter of one or two days, according to the doctor, before she is gone.

My parents went to the hospital after their lunch today. Ralph and Ann were there. Mee Maw was lying on the bed with her head listing to one side. She had been like that most of the morning, according to Ralph, and was totally unresponsive to any stimulus.

So now we are all just waiting on the phone call. When it comes, the difficult emotional times will begin. Please pray for all of us, and again, especially for the sons and wives, as we all deal with this. We knew it was coming, but still it is impossible to be totally prepared for it.

One optimistic note, however: she has been feeble and unable to walk well for months now. Very soon she will have no more physical limitations. She will be more alive than we are now, and it will be a life that will last forever! She has expressed her longing for that many times. Her wish is soon to come true.

Still No Better

2006-07-11T23:37:00.000-05:00

While driving on an interstate highway in Illinois this evening, I spoke with my father Ernest. He updated me on Mee Maw.

Earlier in the day Roni, who had spent the night, called everyone up to the hospital room because Mee Maw's blood pressure and her blood oxygen level had decreased. This was, according to her, the beginning of the end. The sons and their wives grouped together, but so did the blood readings and the crisis ended.

Ralph spent time talking with the doctor. He emphatically says that he did NOT say that the cancer was causing Mee Maw's problem. He DID say that the cancer was probably spreading, but that it would be impossible to determine without some further long and invasive (and expensive) tests. He said that Mee Maw's condition was primarily due to the shock of the broken pelvis and the effects of the pain medication on her mind. He told the family that "she would not be able to stand it" if they were to take her off of the pain medicines.

She is not getting much nourishment. Yesterday my mother was able to feed her a small cup of applesauce, but that is all she has taken in several days. The doctor mentioned the possibility of removing the saline IV, but that keeps her body hydrated and perhaps prolongs things a bit. Mee Maw always emphatically said that she DID NOT want to be force-fed or fed through a tube as her husband was. So if she will not eat, she will eventually succumb.

My dad was able to get her to respond for a brief time this afternoon. Mee Maw will open her eyes and acknowledge things. She is still not clear in her head, however, because the morphine and other medications have really fogged her mind up.

The doctor also said that the pelvis will most likely never heal. With her age and her body's condition, the resources are just not there to promote bone healing. Another factor he mentioned was that the bone marrow comes out of the bone and into the abdominal cavity, causing additional complications. Nothing short of surgery could help that, and surgery is completely out of the question.

So at this point it is a matter of waiting. The consensus is that Mee Maw will not leave the hospital alive. It hurts to write that, and it hurts worse to think about it, but it is a fact that must be dealt with.

Please, as requested in the previous post, pray for Mee Maw to be free from pain and discomfort. Pray for the family, especially the 3 local sons and their wives as they deal with the final matters. And please pray for all of us who love her that we can accept God's timing in taking her to her eternal reward, where someday we all shall be together again.

Not Good

2006-07-10T21:37:00.000-05:00

Lori, Allison, and I are in Illinois to install Ally in her new job at a day care. So any information I can post will be received by cell phone or carrier pigeon, whichever arrives first.

On Sunday Mee Maw was sedated. She was increasingly agitated in the bed, so the doctors decided that the best thing for her is to keep her unconscious. Someone from the family is still sitting with her around the clock if she regains consciousness and needs something.

Her room at the assisted-living facility has been canceled. Two of her sons took care of moving her stuff out and back into the house. James took care of canceling the phone, cable, and newspaper.

The doctor met with the family this afternoon, according to my father Ernest. He says that the cancer from her liver has spread throughout her body. Dad was not sure how he was able to determine this, unless it was by the blood tests. The doctor says that Mee Maw should stay in the hospital because it is just a matter of days (he specifically said "about a week") before she succumbs to the cancer. Dad did not mention to me anything about the cracked pelvis or the damaged leg. Also, how would a fall such as that suddenly cause a cancer outbreak? Did the stress on her body cause something to erupt? Or was it already happening and this just weakened her body enough to make it harder for her system to fight it any longer?

Anyway, this looks to be a very difficult few days ahead for the family. Please pray for all of us to have strength through this. Pray especially for the 3 local sons, James, Ernest, and Ralph, and their wives, who will be bearing the responsibility in these last few days. There are still decisions to be made. When the time comes for funeral arrangements, many more decisions will need to be made. The oldest son Alfred, who is not in the best of health himself, will also have to travel from North Carolina.

It's not going to be easy. It never is.

Please pray. Thank you.

Bad News

2006-07-08T11:47:00.000-05:00

Mee Maw has been doing wonderfully. She had someone sitting with her all of the time until she recovered from her last fall. That ended last Tuesday, and she has not been very happy. She got used to having someone there all of the time to talk to, we suppose.

She has been walking well and her mind has been sharp. She continued to complain about some of the pain from the fall in the bathroom, but those complaints have been diminishing.

Until now.

I just got a call from Lori, who got a call from my mother, saying that Mee Maw fell again this morning and was taken to the emergency room. Preliminary indications are that her hip is cracked. The doctors are admitting her to the hospital at Decatur General, but as of this moment we do not know the room number.

The doctors are already telling the family that she should not return to the assisted living place. That supposedly mean a nursing home of some type. I guess we will see about it after a few days in the hospital.

Please pray for Mee Maw and the family right now. This is not going to be easy for anyone.

UPDATE Saturday PM:

Mee Maw is in Room 351 at Decatur General Hospital. She is heavily medicated, including morphine. She is not in much pain, but she is quite confused. X-rays clearly show a crack in her pelvis. There was also a large gash in her right leg that took several staples to close properly.

For some reason she was in the emergency room from about 7:00 in the morning until after 2:00 in the afternoon. No one could say why it took so long to get her a room.

We also do not know exactly what happened to cause the fall. All that anyone can get from Mee Maw is that she was bending over to get her pillow and that there was a chair involved. There is nothing around her regular chair that could cause such a gash. It could be that she was leaning out of the wheelchair and fell out. Or she could have reached for the wheelchair to catch her balance and the chair rolled away from her. My mother thinks that the walker was involved somehow. Whatever it was, we may never know. We aren't even sure how long she was there before she was discovered, or whether she had the presence of mind to press her emergency call button that she was supposed to be wearing at all times.

Lori, Allison, and I just returned from visiting her. Allison wanted to say goodbye, since she is moving to Aurora, Illnois, on Monday to take a position in a day care ministry up there. When I walked in Mee Maw's room and spoke to her, she immediately recognized me and "scowled" in that typical Mee Maw way, pointing and asking, "Who's 'dat'?" During our visit she would have moments of lucidity, but most of the time she was complaining about not knowing what to do. She just "knew" it was time to get up, and she kept pulling the sheet off so that she could swing herself out of bed. We kept pulling the sheet back up to keep everyone in the room from being embarrassed and telling her that she had to stay in bed.

The charge nurse came in to check on her and asked her if she knew what day of the week it was. She replied, "I have no idea." Then he pointed to me and asked her if she knew who I was. "I never saw him before!" she said with a slight smile and a faint twinkle in her eye. The nurse laughed and looked at me. "Was that her wit showing through?" he asked. I could only smile and nod.

Mee Maw knows there is something wrong in her head. She is most frustrated because she cannot think or express herself clearly. That must weigh on her more than anything. She has been so independent and clear-headed for so long that this bothers her more than the physical discomfort. Most, and probably all, of the confusion is medically-induced. Dad says it most likely will be even worse tomorrow when the medicine fully kicks in.

Given her physical weakness, her current medicines, and other conditions, there were certain forms to sign. Probably the hardest form that her son James (who has power of attorney) had to sign was the "living will" or "do not resuscitate" orders. If something were to suddenly happen, the staff would not take heroic measures to try to save her. The good news is that the emergency room doctors said that her heart is unusually strong for a 98-year-old woman. The bad news is that she is a 98-year-old woman with a cracked hip and narcotically-fogged brain.

There is a possibility that she can be moved out of the hospital on Monday. But there is no way that she can return to the assisted-living facility. So the family is already scoping out nursing homes. Monday will bring the need for many decisions. Please pray as you go to church tomorrow that God's will will be done and that Mee Maw will be able to be comfortable and well again somewhere very soon.

Accidents Happen!

2006-06-25T20:54:00.000-05:00

For the last couple of weeks, Mee Maw has been in really outstanding condition. Physically she has been strong enough to walk down for her meals and to walk her guests out of the building. She has even played a lot of "Bingo" with her fellow residents.

Mentally she has been sharper than she has been in a long time. Lori and Ally (our daughter) went to visit her a couple of times in the last two weeks, and they reported that she was very talkative and interesting. Sure, there were a couple of momentary memory lapses, but that's to be expected after 98 years.

Last week my mother went in to visit and found Mee Maw in bed with the hospice nurse sitting in the wheelchair at the foot of the bed. Mee Maw was talking and talking and talking on and on and on . . . you get the picture. The nurse told Mom that at one point, Mee Maw recited all of John chapter 14 to her. That's a good memory!

Of course, good things must come to an abrupt end sometimes. Last night James, her son, was visiting her. While he was there, she slipped in the bathroom and fell, cracking three ribs and banging her head. She spent time at the hospital while they x-rayed her and diagnosed the problem. The emergency room doctor insisted that she should not be left alone, especially for the next three or four weeks while her ribs heal properly. She will require help to get up and down out of bed or her chair, and she will probably need a bit of assistance walking. There is a service that provides "companions" for just such needs, and the family has contracted for someone to be with her. Maybe her memory will remain sound and she can use the time quoting Scripture to someone who needs it. Perhaps God will send her some people whom she can care for spiritually while they care for her physically.

Today Mee Maw was sitting in her chair accepting the usual Sunday parade of visitors. Her primary complaints were of pain in the upper part of her right leg (NOT the hip, thank goodness!), the back of her head, and in the center of her chest. Dad and James talked the situation over and decided that she probably strained a leg or groin muscle trying to regain her balance before she fell (she landed on her right side). The head pain came from hitting the back of her head on the threshhold of the shower when she fell. And the pain on the right center of her chest is probably from the strain on her rib cage and breastbone as it absorbed the impact of the fall on the hard floor.

Other than the pain from the accident, however, Mee Maw seemed as good as ever. We thank the Lord that the injuries were not more serious, and that a responsible family member was present when it happened.

Please pray for her continued healing from these problems. And do come and see her sometime, if you can.

Improving a Bit

2006-06-10T20:51:00.000-05:00

Mee Maw seems to be improving, both physically and mentally. Yesterday my sister Lynette and her husband Donald visited her. As they turned to go down the hall to her room, they ran into her with her walker making her way to the dining area for lunch! She has not been going to meals lately, so it was a welcomed surprise to find her exercising.

My mother went today and found her lying in bed. But the bed was made up very neatly. Mee Maw admitted to doing it herself, which is another good thing.

There are still occasional memory lapses, but we all have those, don't we? And at 98 years of age, she has a lot of memories that she can forget.

My wife Lori visited yesterday as well and answered Mee Maw's question about the children by telling her that they were swimming. "Really? Where?" asked Mee Maw. "At their grandparents' pool," answered Lori. "Why, I didn't know that they had a pool in their yard!" exclaimed Mee Maw.

There has been a pool in my parent's yard since I was a kid over 30 years ago. And Mee Maw lived next door, and I remember her swimming with us a few times. So we guess she just forgot.

One thing she has never forgotten is that she is a grandmother. 48 years ago today she became a grandmother for the 1st time. And I'm to "blame". She always reminds me that I was her first.

I sure wish that she could be around for at least 48 more.

Hello?? Hello??

2006-06-01T21:18:00.000-05:00

My wife and my daughter Allison went to visit Mee Maw on Tuesday afternoon, May 30th. They found her in excellent spirits and very conversational.

My mother and my aunt Roni have both been very pleased with Mee Maw's mental health for the last couple of weeks. Since the episode with the morphine, she has seemed to come back into our version of reality, for the most part. She has been eating better, talking sensibly, phoning at odd hours less frequently, and even playing bingo again at the home.

There are still a few minor incidents, but those can be excused for a 98-year-old woman. Lori and Ally spent about 20 minutes searching her room for her fly swatter to try to rid them all of a pest that had invaded their space. Mee Maw's fly swatter was nowhere to be found. They found out later that the reason they could not find a fly swatter in the room is because there had NEVER BEEN a fly swatter in the room. Oh, well.

Lori reported an amusing incident from their visit. As they arrived, Mee Maw was using her walker to get across the room to lie down on her bed. Just then, the phone rang. It was her oldest son, Alfred, calling from North Carolina. Mee Maw tried to tell him who her visitors were. She remembered Lori's name without a problem, but she could not think of her great-granddaughter's name at all. All she could remember is that she had just graduated from college. Alfred "connected the dots" and asked to speak to Ally to congratulate her. After that, he asked to speak to Lori, and they exchanged pleasantries.

When those parts of the call were complete, Al asked to speak to his mother again. Lori held out the phone and said, "Here, Mee Maw, you need to talk on the phone now." Mee Maw replied, "No, they'll call back." She took the cordless phone receiver, buried it under her pillow, and then laid down on the bed. Lori tried to tell her that Al was still on the line, but Mee Maw apparently did not believe her. From under the pillow came a muffled "Hello?? Hello?? Mama? Mama? Hello???"

Lori quickly fished the phone out of its feathery grave and handed it to Mee Maw while stating, "Alfred is still on the line here!" Mee Maw looked at the phone, put it to her ear, and said, "I've got company right now, and I can't talk. Call me back later!"

**CLICK**

She hung up on her son! Our apologies to Alfred. Lori and Ally did not in any way influence the outcome of the call. Lori felt rather badly for Al. We hope he was able to get Mee Maw back on the phone a bit later.

(It Was A) Happy Mother's Day!

2006-05-21T20:21:00.000-05:00

Yes, I know I'm a week late. But it was actually a very good week for Mee Maw.

Last Sunday evening, my parents told me that they, along with the other two sons and daughters-in-law that live locally, spent the afternoon of Mother's Day with Mee Maw at the home. They said that she was practically her old self all afternoon. She was laughing and joking with them, her eyes were bright and focused, and she carried on conversations like there was nothing at all wrong.

Throughout this week there have been a few minor moments, but they seem to revolve around the pain medication that she takes. Apparently it is strong enough that it clouds her mind somewhat, but once the initial effects of the medications wear off, she is back to normal. Other than those few times of minor confusion, she has a very good, very alert week.

Word has it that she has even been eating better this week. I am glad to hear that, because her mind needs nutrition to keep functional. If she doesn't eat at all, then the mind has no resources with which to work.

Yesterday she was lonely, however. Saturday was probably the first day since she has lived at the assisted-living facility that no one went to visit her. My parents were in Mississippi for a music recital featuring some of their grandkids. Roni was keeping her grandchildren, and James spent the day working with his youngest son. I do not know about Ralph and his family.

Mee Maw called my parent's house at 7:00 last night and informed the answering machine that she was still waiting for a visit and that when they came, they should bring her a snack "because I'm hungry!" Mom and Dad did not get home until after 8:00, and James said today that that was about the time he got home from working. By then it was too late for anyone to drive across town to see her.

They all visited this Sunday afternoon, and my brother Philip and his wife and son also appeared. According to Dad, Mee Maw really perks up when one of her great-grandchildren comes in to see her. Though she may seem confused or distant when others are around, she has not yet failed to respond to one of the fourth-generation brood.

I'm willing to donate one (or more) of mine to live with her if others will do the same. Maybe having a bunch of kids around will keep her sane longer.

Sane? Maybe not.

OK. Bad idea. Forget that I said that.

But I'm not deleting it! Maybe someone will find it amusing.

Back to Mee Maw: More of us need to visit her or have contact with her more often. Maybe send her a card or a short note. Anything will do to let her know that we all care about her. She has told her sons that she considers herself a burden to them. Let's let her know that she is NOT a burden, but an immense blessing!!!

Scratching Where It Itches

2006-05-10T21:12:00.000-05:00

Seventy-two years ago today, Mee Maw gave birth to her third son, Ernest (HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAD!). He will tell you that it was the best day of her life. His brothers beg to differ, of course.

After lunch, my parents went to visit Mee Maw. They found her in her pajamas and sitting in her chair, staring blankly at the TV. She did not have her glasses on, so she could not clearly see what was on. Dad greeted her and asked her if she "remembered what happened 72 years ago today". She looked at him with that blank stare. Further questions brought monosyllabic answers or grunts. Never could they get her to engage them in conversation. They couldn't even get her to sing "Happy Birthday" in a minor key as she has always done for her son.

They got her glasses and tried to get her involved in conversation or in doing something. They even tried changing the TV to "Animal Planet", which she usually enjoys, but since the program was about dog funerals and pet cemeteries they thought that something else might be more appropriate.

Towards the end of the visit Mee Maw began reaching behind her shoulder as if to scratch her back. Mom offered to scratch for her and finally got something resembling an enthusiastic response. Mee Maw adjusted her chair and leaned forward for Mom to start. The more her back was scratched, the more vocal she became with her grunts and notes of pleasure. Mom rubbed some lotion on a dry patch of skin on her shoulder, which apparently was the source of the initial discomfort. When the ministrations were over, Mee Maw sat back in her chair and resumed the blank stare.

After a few more tries at talking to her, Dad announced that he had to return to work. He kissed his mother and was pleased to get a kiss in return.

Later in the afternoon my wife went up to see her. She took the boys and our daughter, who just graduated from Bob Jones University last Saturday (CONGRATULATIONS, ALLY!!!). Mee Maw was in bed, but all the lights were on in the room, the TV was on, and the door was open. Lori and the kids sat on the bed with her and chatted. Mee Maw seemed happy to see them. She called all three kids by name and commented on each of them. She was pleased to hear of Ally's achievement. She remembered that it was her son Ernest's birthday, but she insisted that she had been to Florida to try to find him a birthday present.

As the visit wound down, Mee Maw began squirming on the bed as though her back was bothering her. Lori offered to help turn down her shirt collar, which she said was itching. When Lori volunteered to scratch, she found a very willing back. By the time she finished, she was using both hands on Mee Maw's back, scratching furiously to the accompaniment of the "scratchee's" sounds of pleasure. Lori commented later that if Mee Maw had been a puppy, she probably would have been thumping a hind leg!

Lori left after turning out the main room lights. Mee Maw was a bit confused when she was asked about it, but when the lights were out she admitted that they had been hurting her eyes. Just before leaving Lori reminded her that she usually had a "chore list" for her to do when she visited. Rather than commenting on that, Mee Maw simply looked up and said, "I love you, Lori." With that, the family left.

The last week has seen a great deal of deterioration. Some of it may be because someone from the local Hospice prescribed morphine drops for Mee Maw because of her pain. Once the medication started, Mee Maw seemed like she was existing in another dimension or something. Of course, Ralph was out of town last week, and he usually keeps up on her medical condition and prescriptions. He "came unglued" when he learned of the morphine. Others of us, my parents included, were also upset. Even some of the staff at the facility were against it. At the family's insistence, the morphine was stopped on Tuesday.

While medicated, Mee Maw hardly ate anything and became too weak to stand without assistance. Yesterday Mom and Roni got her to eat some soup. Lori reported this evening that she had crumbs of some variety around her mouth, as though she had eaten dinner or had a snack of some type. So maybe removal of the narcotic and a few good meals will bring her back into our world for a little while longer. There was a significant improvement between 1:00 and 6:00 today.

If you are family and you have not visited her, please do. We do not know how many more days, weeks, or months the Lord will allow her to grace us with her presence. Come and see her and make her day a little less boring. Scratch her where it itches. You (and she) will be glad that you did.

UPDATE MAY 11: Oldest son Alfred left yesterday for a trip back home to North Carolinal. A day late because of the trip, he called his younger brother to wish him a belated happy birthday. Alfred told Dad that he visited Mee Maw before leaving and that she was mostly unresponsive to him, too. "The only reaction we got out of her was when we scratched her back," he recounted. So maybe this is a new way to communicate. We will all have to remember this.

Hungry?

2006-04-30T15:44:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I spoke with my uncle Ralph at a piano recital (my two boys and a healthy sampling of his grandkids made up the majority of the performers). He told me about talking to Mee Maw on the phone Saturday morning.

She reported that she awoke and felt hungry, so she knew it was time for breakfast. She got up, got dressed, and made her way down to the dining area. There was no one there, so she sat in her chair to wait for the meal to be served.

Shortly thereafter Mitch, an overnight attendant that she knows well, stopped by. "Mrs. Matthews, what are you doing down here at this time of night?" he asked.

"Waiting for breakfast. What time is it?" Mee Maw replied.

"It's 1:30 in the morning," Mitch said. "You need to go back to your room and get some more sleep!"

She took his suggestion and went back to bed. When she awoke again, she got dressed and went for breakfast.

The same exchange occurred. Only the time had changed.

Mee Maw told Ralph that she went through that process FOUR TIMES in the course of the morning. My comment to Ralph, and his remark to his mother, was that at least she got some good exercise!

And she did finally get some breakfast. At the usual time, as usual.

Sunday Update - More Hunger: My father told me that Ralph called him this morning. He said that he called Mee Maw again, and she was complaining about breakfast. "They are OUT of everything to eat here. There is NOTHING to eat! And I'm hungry!"

Ever the dutiful son, Ralph called back and talked to one of the staff. He was told that they took food down to Mee Maw's room TWICE that morning, and she refused to eat anything. He asked them to prepare a tray one more time and take it back to her. "Tell her that her son Ralph told you to bring it, and tell her that he said she was supposed to eat it all," he told them.

I have not heard if she ate it. I certainly hope so.

Changing Times

2006-04-26T21:29:00.000-05:00

Last Saturday Lori went for her weekly visit. She found Mee Maw well and quite easy to talk to. While discussing cooking and recipes (anyone know her recipe for chicken chow mein?), Lori mentioned a couple of leftover baked sweet potatoes in our refrigerator and said that she was thinking of making a sweet potato casserole from them. "Why, I've never heard of such a thing!" exclaimed Mee Maw. "How do you make it?"

Now, we family members can remember holiday meals during which she heartily devoured sweet potato casserole with marshmallow topping and (before she decided she couldn't eat them) pecans. She always would say how much she loved it. Now, she apparently cannot remember that.

That was the only "unusual" moment of Lori's visit.

I found out this evening from my mother that Mee Maw has spent this week lying across her bed. Apparently she has not even changed clothes or made it down to meals. She has even been skipping breakfast, which she will quickly tell you is her favorite meal of the day. On Tuesday morning the nursing staff brought her a bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich and got her to eat it. Other than that, we don't know if she has even left her room or eaten anything all week. She has called my parents at a few odd times to ask them what time it is or what she is supposed to do next. Then she lies back down across her bed and naps. Upon awakening, she has no idea of the time of day or how much time has passed. So, she picks up the phone.

She, like so many elderly patients, is overly concerned about her bowel habits. It seems that she is to the point of making herself sick if she does not "go" regularly. Of course, if she doesn't eat, there is nothing to eliminate, which only compounds her worries. With her sleeping and confusion she cannot always remember if she does "take care of business". This inordinate fear of going days without "producing" may ultimately be at the root of this current episode. We hope it is no more serious than this. I hope this subject goes away, because I get a bit embarrassed writing about it!

Note: If you are "kinfolk" and you know some others in our rather large family who would be interested in keeping updated on Mee Maw (or Aunt Mildred, to many), please send them a link to this blog. If you are a family friend, or know a family friend who would like this information, point them in this direction. If you are just a curious onlooker, HOWDY!

And feel free to post a comment. Any messages to Mee Maw will be relayed to her.

"The OTHER Half???"

2006-04-20T20:23:00.000-05:00

My dad recounted something that occurred Tuesday that I must share.

My mother got a phone call from Mee Maw Tuesday morning. "Annie Ruth, I need you to come up here and show me where the other half of my glasses are!"

"The WHAT?" asked my mother.

"The other half of my glasses. I can't find them anywhere." said Mee Maw.

Mom left and went to the facility after grabbing a spare set of spectacles from Mee Maw's house. When she arrived, Mee Maw was, er, occupied elsewhere (if you get my drift), so Mom searched the room, stripped the bed, ransacked drawers and chair cushions, and looked everywhere (except the locked bathroom, of course) for a broken pair of glasses or a lost lens. When Mee Maw emerged, she was wearing her normal glasses with both lenses and the frame intact.

Mom quizzed her about what she needed, and Mee Maw insisted that she could not find the other half of her glasses. Realizing after repeated and reworded questions that she was outmatched in the confusion department, Mom dropped the subject and stayed for a visit. Afterward she reported that Mee Maw seemed more like her old self than she has in months, both mentally and physically, except for the puzzling references to her glasses.

Later on Tuesday (or maybe it was the next day), my uncle Ralph came by work to visit his brother. Dad asked him if he had spoken with their mother recently. Ralph said that he and his wife had spent some time with her on Monday evening, as usual, and that she seemed more like normal. She did not mention any pain, and she appeared more mobile than she had been since she broke her back cleaning up the dog puke in her kitchen.

Then Ralph told Dad that Mee Maw had called him on Tuesday morning asking if he knew the whereabouts of "the other half of her glasses". When he could not make sense of it, he handed the phone to Ann, who made her own valiant attempts to understand what was going on. Apparently when she was unable to get help from Ralph or Ann, Mee Maw then called my mother about the same thing.

All concerned have agreed to drop this unless she brings it back up. But still the question remains. . .

"The other half of her glasses????"

"A Little Fuzzy"

2006-04-18T21:56:00.000-05:00

That's how Lori described Mee Maw after her visit early Saturday afternoon.

When she arrived at about 1:30, Mee Maw was lying across her bed, napping. Lori helped her up and walked her over to her chair. They had a nice hour or so together. My cousin Tim and his family had visited earlier in the day. That and the round trip to the dining area for lunch just "wore her out".

In the course of conversation Lori tried to discern some things that had happened through the day. Mee Maw had a nice dress laid out, as though she had worn it recently. Lori pieced together that there had been some type of Easter activity, but Mee Maw was unable to see it when it happened, even though she attended. The "fog" from being drowsy did not help her memory one bit.

Mee Maw has taken to playing Bingo regularly. She has accumulated a few "Bingo Bucks", which are the prize certificates that are redeemed occasionally for things such as fancy toiletries and books. My mother picked out a large-print crossword puzzle book for Mee Maw to try. She did, and proclaimed it too difficult. Lori looked it over. In the first six puzzles, she found only ONE clue that she could answer! And she works the crossword puzzle and the Sudoku number puzzle every day in the newspaper. Anyone know who the president of Brazil was from 1906 to 1909? I didn't think so. Neither does Mee Maw.

Anyway, on Easter Sunday my parents went by to see her before the evening service at church. She had just finished picking at (and possibly eating a bite or two) of a salad for supper. They said she was still a bit disoriented, but she was able to hold good conversations with them before they left. As always, she complained about my father not coming to see her enough. I imagine she has words about EVERYONE not coming to see her enough.

She is really bored. She cannot figure out how to work the remote control for the TV. The couple of crossword puzzle books she has are either too hard or the print is too small (though it is larger than that in some of the magazines she reads. Go figure.). She cannot jog around the building, obviously. She won't try to take up her knitting. She needs encouragement and visitors. Write her a letter, call her, or go by and spend a few minutes chatting. You'll enjoy it, and she will probably enjoy it more than she will admit.

What a Difference . . .

2006-04-09T20:40:00.000-05:00

. . . a few hours can make.

Lori went up Saturday afternoon to see Mee Maw. She said that Mee Maw was her old self. She was lying in bed, tired because of the long night she had the night before.

*** NOTE to those outside of Decatur: Friday night was probably the scariest night, weather-wise, that some of us have seen since the night of April 3rd, 1974, when so many tornadoes crossed the country, including here. There was hail ranging from pea-sized to golf-ball-sized, and a couple of reports of baseball-sized hail. There were tornadoes sighted, but this time there was minimal damage. Mee Maw said that the nursing staff came by with a wheelchair during the worst of the storm and took all of the residents to a safe central room at the facility. Once released back to her room, she was still worried because of the thunder and stormy noises from outside, so she did not sleep much. That explains her tiredness soon after lunch on Saturday. END NOTE ***

When Lori was with her, Mee Maw was very conversational. She asked about all of our children, demanding to see a photo of her oldest great-grandson's apartment, asking about our daughter's plans for after she graduates from college in May, and other details of family, church, and school life. They joked together about some things and had a really good visit. As Lori was leaving, Mee Maw's parting comment was, "I guess it's not so unspeakable that a boy go up north and get a wife if he gets one as good as you." I'm glad that 1) she forgives me for finding a "Yankee"; and 2) she agrees with me on the quality of my pick.

After supper James went to see her with his youngest son Daniel and his wife Solita. Mee Maw was in bed, sleeping soundly. She was roused and helped over to her chair. She was not very responsive to anything, and even fell asleep in the chair a few moments after settling in. When attempts to wake her failed, they tried to get her up and back to bed. She was practically unable to function at all. Finally, James took one side and Daniel the other, while Solita operated Mee Maw's legs to walk her back over to the bed.

The belief (hope!) is that Mee Maw was given a sleeping pill a couple of hours early and was in a drug-induced stupor that clouded her mind enough to keep her from interacting with others. This afternoon my parents went up to visit her, and she seemed pretty much back to normal. It remains to be seen if this is portentious of another decline, or if it was just an isolated incident.

Those of you in the family keep praying and sending her notes and things. She appreciates all contacts from anyone who visits, calls, or writes.

Spring Ahead?

2006-04-05T18:20:00.000-05:00

Last Friday my mother went to see her mother-in-law. She reported that Mee Maw was practically her old self. She was able to converse intelligently, and even seemed to be in less pain than usual.

My wife and younger sons visited her on Saturday before lunch. When they arrived, her son James was there with Dixie, Mee Maw's dog. Everyone had a good time, and Mee Maw was still herself. She insisted on walking her son out to the door with the dog, and as they walked down the hall she made sure that everyone there recognized her pet. The nurses have seen this before, so they were ready with their greetings as the convoy passed.

After seeing the first two visitors out the door, Lori and the boys sat with her in the sitting area in the front of the facility and chatted for a while. Lori gave Mee Maw a Bible crossword book that we had purchased for her. She seemed truly thrilled to have it. We certainly hope that she uses it and enjoys exercising her mind.

When our crew was ready to leave as lunchtime approached, Mee Maw insisted on getting out of the chair and walking them to the door also. She still moves slowly, but she seemed able to get around well. Her mind was as sharp as ever. She was even looking forwards to the afternoon Bingo session.

Then came Sunday. The "powers-that-be" in their self-described infinite wisdom have ordained that all clocks be turned ahead one hour. Mee Maw knew about this. James told her that he would return before her bedtime to set her clocks ahead. All of this fuss about the clock apparently confused her again, because when my parents visited her on Sunday, she did not know what day it was, what time it was, why the clocks had to be changed again (which they didn't) and which meal she just ate or was getting ready to eat. We don't know exactly why the time change did this, but we assume it is because she was finally becoming a bit accustomed to the routine, and then it changed.

The first part of this week was apparently OK. Mee Maw called my mother on Tuesday complaining about not being able to use the telephone. If she couldn't figure the phone out, then how did she manage to call? She called at least two others complaining of the same thing. My father wonders if she picked up the phone and tried to use it as the TV remote. That would make the phone begin to make strange noises, which she would cancel out by making a call. We will probably never know.

My mother was to spend part of this afternoon with her. We will see how it went and how she was doing.

UPDATE - 10:00 pm: Mom spent time with Mee Maw. She said she was "OK", but she continually complained about her back. This time, however, her pain is on the right side instead of the left. "I didn't sleep a wink all night!" she exclaimed. Maybe the moving of the pain to a different area is a sign of some kind of improvement.

Maybe something else will improve as well. One of the gentlemen who dines near her at each meal has given her the nickname "Ms. Grumpy", apparently because of her negative attitude towards most everything. Mee Maw probably doesn't know that yet. She may not care if she DID know. If you're 98 years old, you've earned the right to be grumpy if you want to be!

Suppertime Visit

2006-03-21T20:50:00.000-06:00

My wife Lori went to visit Mee Maw at supper this evening. I arrived as she finished, having left work early to do so.

Mee Maw was very confused about the time of day. She said several times that she had awakened at 2:48, and she "just knew" that the next meal was breakfast. Imagine her surprise when she was served spaghetti and salad for "breakfast". She insisted that Lori have a plate also, which she did. Lori kept Mee Maw company while she ate and chatted with her and with some of those around her.

Mee Maw insisted on introducing Lori as her daughter-in-law (instead of granddaughter-in-law). She also said that this was Lori's first visit there, which also was not true. When I arrived we walked back down to her room. She stopped at the nurses' station and informed the nurse that she felt like it was after breakfast and that she always had a pain pill after breakfast. "Do you need a pill?" she was asked. "Are you hurting?" "No, I'm all right," said Mee Maw as she began going back down the hall. The nurse offered to come see her later to see if she needed any medication.

I sat with her in her room for almost an hour. Lori left to do some grocery shopping, so we were alone. We talked about a couple of different things, much of it having to do with the time of day and her schedule. I kept repeating to her that she had just had supper and that the next meal was breakfast. We looked over the week's menu several times, and she told me how she is not exactly fond of the food. Then we would repeat a few of the things, such as which day it was, what time of day it was, what the next meal was to be, and so forth. We scanned through the TV channels and briefly watched the local news on one station, but nothing seemed to interest her too much. She decided to read a magazine and apologized to me for making me sit and "twiddle my thumbs". Then she proceeded to ask again which day and what time it was. She also asked about her newspaper, but I had to convince her that the paper would not arrive for another 12 hours or so.

Her level of confusion seems to be deepening. A friend told me last week that her grandmother took almost a year to overcome the effects of general anesthesia. Some have also hinted that this could be a side effect of her light eating habits, or even symptomatic of the tumor in her liver. Whatever it is, it is disconcerting to have to answer the same questions several times in the course of a half-hour.

Her son James brought her dog Dixie for a visit today. She insisted that it had been the previous day. She said the dog seemed to enjoy the visit, especially when she made the rounds of the dining area during lunch.

She had a doctor's visit last week. Her regular doctor suggested that maybe she is not capable of living in an "assisted living" facility and that she should go to a full nursing home. At this point the family is rejecting that option until all other avenues have been tried. As long as she is able to function with help like she has, she should be allowed to live her life as comfortably as possible.

Her comment to me several times this evening was, "I'm so bored!" Maybe if each of us that visits her asks her to give us ideas of things to interest her and occupy her mind and her time, we can help limit or reverse the confusion levels. She mentioned to me that she loves crosswords, but that the puzzles of today are not interesting (too much "pop" culture, I suspect). We are going to look for a Bible crossword puzzle book or two for her during our trip this weekend. Hopefully others will do the same and get her mind active again.

A Visit to the Doctor

2006-03-11T16:14:00.000-06:00

This week was a pretty good one. Mee Maw's birthday last weekend went well. Most of the visitors that she had were family members, especially on Saturday. Some others did stop through, but she could not remember all of the names. I think we need to get a journal of some type that visitors can sign to help her (and the rest of us) know who has been by to visit.

The "highlight" of the week, if you can call it that, was a CAT scan done on Thursday. She has been complaining of pain in her side lately. X-rays showed that the colon could possibly be pinched between the ribs and the hip because of her stooped-over posture. There was also some small concern about a possible spot on her lung.

So, she got an appointment to be looked over on Thursday morning. Being the "worry-wart" that she tends to be sometimes, she kept thinking about it and waiting for the time to come. My parent's telephone rang at 3AM Thursday morning. The voice annunciator said in my youngest sister's mellifluous tones, "It's Mee Maw!" My mother answered and heard from the other end, "What time are you coming to pick me up to go to the hospital?" She had to convince Mee Maw that it was 3 o'clock and that she should get back in bed.

This has been a trend of late. One of the nurses recently discovered her sitting at the table in the dining area waiting on breakfast. It was around 3:00. Another time she was sitting in the same place, and the cook came through. "Why are you here, Mrs. Matthews?" she asked. "I'm waiting on breakfast," was the reply. The cook told her that she was just arriving, and that breakfast was not for at least another 30 minutes. Mee Maw chose to sit there and wait for it rather than to go back to her room.

She is getting a lot of sleep. Unfortunately it's during the day, so she awakens early and thinks it's time to begin the day again. Her sons tell her to look out the window to see if it's dark. If the sun isn't up, she is supposed to go back to bed. Hopefully she will start doing that.

Back to the CAT scan: Mee Maw called my folks again Thursday morning at 6:30, wondering what she was supposed to wear. My mother told her that the clothes were all set out and ready to go. "Oh, you mean these?" Mee Maw said.

The scan went OK. Mee Maw commented at the close of the day that she had felt pretty good all day long, with little pain anywhere. That changed on Friday, when she stayed in bed most of the day with pain in her back instead of her side.

Her doctor reported the results of the CAT scan. Apparently the colon is not being pinched like he thought. So we are back to wondering about the cause of the pain. The spot on the lung was evidently just a false indication on the x-ray. However, we are aware of some places on her liver that have been investigated by an specialist in Birmingham. This CAT scan shows that these places are increasing slightly in size. The doctor thinks that maybe these spots are the cause of her discomfort, since the location of the liver corresponds with the location of some of the pain she has been experiencing.

We are all doing our best to keep her spirits up and to encourage her to get involved with the activities at the facility. She goes and plays BINGO sometimes, but only if my mother is there and goes with her. Yesterday my 8-year-old son was with his grandmother and helped with the BINGO game. He actually won one game, too!

Keep her in your thoughts and prayers. Send cards, notes, letters, and stay in contact with her.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

2006-03-04T10:03:00.000-06:00

It's Mee Maw's 98th birthday today.

"Happy birthday! We love you a lot!"

Hopefully she will hear that at least 98 times today.

A Visit

2006-02-19T21:51:00.000-06:00

We visited Mee Maw after church tonight. She had just turned the lights out and started to bed. It was only 7:45! And then she complains about waking up so early and not being able to get back to sleep. Well, if I had the luxury of going to bed at 8:00, I would wake up at 4:00 am also, ready to go to work after a good 8 hours worth of sleep.

She seemed in good spirits. We chatted with her for a while. I think she was a bit disoriented at first, but she soon recognized us and we had a good visit. She worries about her dog. She is fed too much food. She doesn't like all the food that they serve. She can't find anything on TV (she has cable there - something she didn't have at home. Only 70+ channels instead of 6. Maybe she will get used to it!). Her back still hurts. There are too many twists and turns in the place and she gets lost. She is exhausted by the time she gets down to the dining area. So on and so forth. Mee Maw at her best.

I guess that means that she is feeling somewhat better!

She had several visitors today, including a couple of nephews (Bobby and Ronald). She specifically mentioned a couple of her grandchildren and their families that she would like to see. If any of you are reading this and feel pangs of guilt, then it must be you! Go see her! Call or e-mail one of us for directions if you need them.

Her apartment is larger than we thought it would be. There are three of her chairs there, including the electric lift chair that she uses to get herself upright. Beside the chair is the table lamp that Paw Paw made years ago. Her bed and dresser are there, as are a few photos and pictures. Her "other dog" is also keeping watch. Several Christmases ago she received a "statue" of a German Shepherd dog sitting at attention. It has been in the house in her den ever since. Now it graces a corner of the apartment. Mee Maw told us that more people have commented about that dog than anything else. One attendant has threatened to take it and give it a good home - all in jest, of course.

She has a large bathroom, a microwave, and a small refrigerator. She seems to be all set for a while. She says, however, that she cannot wait until she can go home. We are hoping that maybe, somehow, that can happen.

If we all pray hard . . .

Moving In

2006-02-18T20:26:00.000-06:00

Yesterday (February 17th) Mee Maw was moved into her new place. She was released from the rehab facility in Huntsville to the custody of her daughters-in-law, Roni and Annie Ruth. They took her to her hairdresser for a long-overdue makeover, which she enjoyed thoroughly. Then they took her to her new home. She seemed impressed by the place, according to witnesses.
It was early afternoon, and she had missed out on lunch. Not to worry - the staff had saved her a plate. She downed almost every bite, pronouncing it good (with her picky eating habits, that in itself was a wonder!) Then she was told that supper would be served in a few short hours, and she declared herself uninterested because she had eaten so much already.
She immediately made "friends". A couple of the resident gentlemen stopped by to make her acquaintance. One resides across the hall from her room. Another gives indication of being a "talker", dominating any conversation he enters. Mee Maw can most likely hold her own against such as these. After all, she married a Matthews, and that has given her plenty of practice!
My father Ernest called her later in the day. She declared that she had just been talking about him and her dog, Dixie. "With whom?" asked Dad. "Annie Ruth?" "No," replied Mee Maw, "she left a while ago. I was just talking to the nurse. You want to talk to her?" Dad declined, stating that he would get the opportunity to meet the nurse during one of his visits. A few words were exchanged out of the range of the phone, then Mee Maw said, "That's OK, she said she will meet you later too." "It seems like she is fitting right in," was Dad's comment to me.
Our family will probably go and visit her on Sunday. I'm sure that others will be visiting her soon as well. They even allow dogs to visit, so sometime we may surprise her with a visit from Dixie. For family members reading this who are planning to visit, PLEASE DO NOT TELL HER THIS! We don't want to get hopes up. We also need to get the dog accustomed to a leash before being taken public like this. Hopefully it will work!
Continue to keep her in your prayers.

Valentine's Day Update

2006-02-14T17:43:00.000-06:00

My parents visited Mee Maw last night at the rehab center in Huntsville. They said she was in good spirits and feeling rather well. Dad said that she had even volunteered to play the piano at the Sunday church service that was held for the patients! That's an encouraging sign!

The doctors have changed their minds and have declared that she will be released on Friday, February 17th. They have told the family that they think it best that she be placed in an assisted-living facility, or at least temporarily in a place where she can continue the therapy.

This afternoon, the 3 sons that live here (James, Ernest, and Ralph) and their spouses met with the director of the Morningside facility here in Decatur. For those of you familiar with this city, it is located near the Point Mallard Golf Course. Dad told me that he was very impressed with the facility and with the personnel that he saw there. Mee Maw would have a room to herself, furnished with her own bed and some of her own furniture from the house. She would be undergoing regular therapy, but she would not be under total supervision as at a nursing home. There are many different activities available for residents, some of which she would definitely be able to participate in if she wishes. For example, tonight is a candle-light Valentine's Day dinner. Family members can purchase meal tickets and join the resident in the meal.

All in all, this sounds like the best thing for her at the moment. The brothers have agreed that they will move her in there when she is released on Friday for at least one month to see how it goes. The only other alternative is to find someone (or multiple someones) who would be available and willing to stay with her around the clock in her house to help her out. We will see how it goes.

Introduction

2006-02-11T20:47:00.000-06:00

This is our "Mee Maw", Mildred Matthews.

Mee Maw

See her profile for more biographical information about her.

This blog is intended as an update site for family members and friends.

This site is being created and maintained by her oldest grandson, Richard, and his wife Lori. We will do our best to regularly post news of her health. If you have comments or corrections, please leave them or e-mail them to one of us and we will update things as quickly as possible.

As of today, Saturday, February 11th, Mee Maw is in therapy in Huntsville. She had surgery to repair a compression fracture of one of her lower vertebrae 2-1/2 weeks ago. The doctor says that the surgery was successful and that the continuing pain she is having is muscular. Hence the therapy, which began last Monday, February 6th.

The first week was a bit traumatic at times. I will not go into details. Things apparently improved a bit later in the week. She will receive a second week of therapy and be released back home on Monday, February 20th. Family members will be instructed in her "care and feeding" (if you will) on Thursday, February 16th. It remains to be seen how well she will be able to take care of herself, if at all.

Please remember her and the family in her prayers. She will soon be 98. We keep telling her that she owes us at least 98 more.